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Anxiety Assertiveness Depression |
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Significant life changes, such as the ending of a relationship or moving home or area, can have a major impact on us What is the principle of counselling?Only you know what it is that hurts or troubles you, although it may be that the real reasons for your anguish are tucked away out of your immediate notice. I will listen impartially and without judging or setting conditions. The journey is one of self-discovery and the first step on it is learning to accept yourself completely, as I will do. Back to TopHow will talking get anything done?It isn't so much about talking as listening. We are all guilty, to a greater or lesser extent, of not listening to our true needs. We may suppress them out of fear, out of a sense of duty, or in an attempt to gain the acceptance of others - especially if our self esteem is weak (or we do not value ourselves). My aim is to help you 'get in touch' with these needs and talking is one of the principal ways in which we will do this. It is not, however, the only form of therapy I use. Back to TopI have a problem, will you advise me what to do?No. I'm not an adviser and I certainly don't pretend to be an expert in all the areas where the problem could exist. However, it is true to say that the process of counselling does help in problem solving or decision making. Counselling will help you to put things into perspective so that you can discover the solution which is right for you. It can also support you to look at things from new or fresh perspectives. This can be enormously helpful because, to use a metaphor, where you stand affects what you see and how you see those things and value them. Counselling is about empowerment. My aim is to inspire and empower you to have confidence in your own decisions. After talking things over the problem may turn out to be different to what you think it is and the 'right solution' may therefore also surprise you! Back to TopI'm depressed, can you help?Many people visit a counsellor for help with the kind of depression which may affect us following a bereavement, loss or sudden change in circumstances such as redundancy, or family crisis. In such cases, it is natural to feel a sense of anxiety, despair or worthlessness (amongst many other feelings) which can lead to mild depression. Shorter-term counselling may be extremely valuable here in helping you come to terms with change and set plans and ambitions based on the new situation. For other people, the depression may be significant or may have lasted many months. It may even be something that has been a part of their life, perhaps off and on, for many years. At times, seemingly 'minor' events may trigger a 'major' depression. In many such cases, the roots of the depression may lay in early life, rather than in the events of the present day. Whilst it is hard to generalise, such depression may arise as a result of patterns of thinking and feeling that were adopted in early life as a response to trauma, abuse, anxiety or persistently unmet childhood needs. There may be so-called 'unfinished business' around these issues. The thinking and feeling associated with these may be re-played today with equally unsatisfactory results and hence more frustration, more sadness, continuing anger, and a sense of 'failure'. Not surprisingly, depression is very often the result. In these cases counselling can still be highly effective. It is important however that the person seeking help is properly assessed in order to determine the suitability for them of longer term counselling or psychotherapy. Key to success is the 'fit' between client and counsellor, the client's capacity for self dialogue or insight, their motivation and their commitment to what may be a long and painful process of reflection. Once counselling commences the approach is necessarily more in-depth and requires longer time periods to be effective - usually many months and sometimes years. Counselling is less helpful where the depression is very severe (leading to regular hospital in-patient treatment for example) or is so incapacitating as to limit the scope for communication or good psychological contact with the person concerned. Nor is counselling indicated where there is a history of diagnosed psychosis or personality disorder. There is more information available on depression (and other types of situation) on this site, see links below: Back
to Top Can you cure anxiety?No. But hang on a sec - anxiety is a normal part of human existence. Saying "can you cure anxiety?" is like asking me to cure you of a sense of humour! What I can do is help you to manage or control excessive anxiety in response to situations, events or thoughts that should not produce such a level of worry. Examples might be anxiety about flying, being in social situations, going to work, health concerns or visiting the doctor. This type of inappropriate anxiety can be life-limiting and include panic attacks. It can also lead to unhelpful coping mechanisms being employed, such as drinking, withdrawal from life and avoidance. Helping clients deal with anxiety forms a large proportion of my work. Therapy for anxiety is frequently very effective. There are no 'short cuts' however, no matter what you may have read on the internet about 'miracle cures!' There is lots more information on anxiety and my approach to working with it on this website. See links below. Back
to Top I want to change my life, will you help me?Yes, in the sense that our sessions can be viewed as a place where it is OK to 'be you' and where you can begin to realise just how you want to change. I'll also 'stick with you' during what may be traumatic times and can help you work out a programme for change. Back to TopWhat kind of problems do you treat?First of all, I don't see 'problems' I see people (individuals, couples, straight, gay, able bodied and people of all ethnicities (on wheelchair accessible premises). I don't offer 'treatment' or 'cures'. Counselling requires a considerable commitment from you as well as from me. It is often hard work and, as with many things in life, the best outcomes result from the biggest efforts. It is not an 'instant quick fix!' The range of problems which people come to talk about are as varied as the people themselves. Some people don't know what the problem is - they may simply be unhappy - whilst others want to talk about a specific difficult situation. Clients sometimes come to talk about a particular problem, only to discover that it's something else which is the real trouble. Relationships, loss and change are all common themes, as are depression, anxiety, low confidence and stress. I also have specialist training and experience in helping people with trauma, post traumatic stress and issues related to addictive and compulsive sexual behaviour, including sexual offending. I will listen to you without judgement regardless of what it is you wish to discuss. You might also want to look at Stress Anxiety Anxiety & Depression test Depression Assertiveness Sexual Addiction Back to TopWill anyone find out what I've said to you?No. I will keep everything we discuss absolutely confidential to the extent that I am permitted within UK law. However The Child Protection Act and The Prevention of Terrorism Act, place limitations on this confidentiality. In the overwhelming majority of cases these limitations have no impact on our work. However, if you are concerned that any of this may be an issue for you I will be pleased to discuss it further. As part of my commitment to safe, effective and ethical practice I may also discuss aspects of my client work with my clinical supervisor. When I discuss aspects of my work with my supervisor I do so in a way that protects the identity, anonymity and confidentiality of my clients. Client confidentiality is also maintained and protected by my secretarial staff and in procedures I have for keeping notes within my work. Back to TopHow long will it take?This depends on so many things that it's really hard to say. A few people come six or eight times whilst others feel they need 20 or 30 sessions and occasionally more. In practice, most of my clients see me for between 10 and 15 sessions. I may suggest meeting weekly at first and then perhaps less frequently as time progresses. Even after the formal conclusion of the sessions, we may agree that a follow-up would be useful in six or twelve months time. Our counselling relationship won't end before you feel ready, however, my happiest moments can be the point at which you feel able to say "I don't need you any more!" Back to TopAre you well trained and well qualified to do this work?I believe so. I have a certificate and post graduate diploma in counselling, a master's degree in intergrative counselling and a professional practitioner doctorate in psychotherapy. Added together, this training took me nine years to complete. I also undertake regulare on-going training, attending short courses, conferences and seminars. In fact, the professional body of which I am a member (UKCP) requires me to continually update my professional and personal development. I am also required to undertake a stringent re-accreditation process every 5 years. I worked in GP surgeries as a counsellor for 15 years and have 29 years of post qualification experience in total. I have worked now with over 960 clients/patients. I've also got an intermediate swimming certificate and fortunately have managed to retain a sense of humour. Qualifications and humour aside, I'm in this profession because I enjoy being able to help people. Back to Top About meWhen and Where do you offer sessions?Although I retain some teaching commitments
in London, I how describe myself as "semiretired".
Therefore,I offer appointments online using Microsoft
Teams/Zoom on Tuesdays and Wednesdays during the day. Back to Top Directions to LindleyI am really afraid / anxious about seeing you / a psychotherapistI think this is entirely understandable - it can feel like a big step. First of all, you are acknowledging that there is an issue or problem that you need some help with. This in itself can feel like a massive admission, especially if you are someone who is used to 'always sorting things out on my own', so it is like you are entering a whole new type of situation. Then there is the issue of inviting someone - perhaps me, perhaps someone else - to help you. This can bring up massive issues of trust. And of course, in many cases, the abuse of trust may be implicated in what it is you need to discuss. Asking for help and support when you have learned that it is better/safer not to trust is absolutely a huge thing to do. Realising that it has to be done doesn't make it easier to do it. Many clients are very nervous indeed when they first come along and naturally I will do my best to help make the experience as easy and as safe as I can. I appreciate and understand how big a step this can be for you and I respect and honour the fact that you are choosing, perhaps tentatively, to take this step with me. I always emphasise that the first session is an introductory one, a chance to meet and for me to find out a bit about what it is that has brought you to counselling - but I will invite you to tell me only as much as you feel comfortable saying. Naturally, I will reassure you about confidentiality and about how I will not judge or diagnose you; this is place that I hope you will might come to regard as a 'safe space', a place where you can 'just be you' and we can explore together what it is that is troubling you. One of the most important things in therapy is the relationship between client and counsellor. All the research that has been done about what makes counselling work, says that this is the most important factor. I recognise that I might possibly not be the right choice for you, so I won't ask for a commitment to further work, giving you the chance to meet with other therapists until you find someone who feels right for you. My main concern is that you find the help you need and that might not always be me! Likewise, my skills or experience will not be appropriate to every situation. The introductory session is therefore very much a 'no obligation' situation where each of us, and especially you, can can go away and choose whether you want to commit to further sessions. These things won't of course make your anxiety go away, but they might help to make the first meeting a bit more manageable. Even so, the first session can be a difficult one and I am always aware of the courage that you might need to take it. You might also want to look at Stress Anxiety Anxiety & Depression test Depression Assertiveness Sexual Addiction I don't know whether it's me, my partner, or both of us who needs help!Couples counselling is useful where there is tension between two people, usually -- but not always -- partners in a relationship. The best chances of success occur when both individuals enter into the counselling openly and in an honest and committed way. Each partner has to be prepared to look both inwards to themselves, as well as to the other, if they are to get what they want out of this kind of work. This can be hard for many people and I will help and support this process. I will not 'take sides' with anyone but will listen without prejudice and encourage each of you to do the same. Oftentimes, this safe, confidential, supportive and 'blame free' environment enables each person in the relationship to lower their defences. Only when we really listen will someone feel heard. Real progress can be made on tackling the issues at hand when we feel heard we may feel valued and notice that our feelings are being acknowledged.
Individuals in Couples Counselling need to be prepared to look inside themselves and not only at their partner if the relationship is to develop or grow One of the main advantages of counselling with a neutral party is that the counsellor can help each of you to become aware of the routines and behaviours that have come to be used as a substitute for real communication. Often there is great anger or hurt within the relationship and these kinds of feelings are often 'taken out' on each other because you have 'given up' ever hoping to really be heard by your partner. Linked to this is the assistance I can offer you in becoming more aware of the issues you each have brought to the relationship but that may well pre-date it! Many of us often look to our partner for help with and/or resolution of, personal issues. This creates expectations that neither we nor they are aware of and which cannot possibly be addressed by them. Over time, this leads to frustration, disappointment and anger. These are then seen as the 'problems' of the relationship but it is often vital to dig a little deeper. Each of you needs to be responsive to the idea of opening yourselves up to at least some of these kinds of insights. Although most people come into couples therapy hoping to improve or save their relationship, this is not the only possible objective and even when relationships are destined to end, counselling can help each of you to achieve this in a more satisfying and less damaging way. Back to TopWhat is the difference between Counselling & Psychotherapy?This isn't the easiest question in the world to answer. There is considerable debate within the profession about what the differences are. What I will give you here is my answer and you should be aware that, whilst I have tried to be fair and to give a full (and therefore rather lengthy) account of the issues, other therapists might give you a slightly different response. The fact is, there is often very
little
difference between one client's experience of counselling and
another's experience
of psychotherapy. A couple of years ago one of the main
professional bodies
changed its name to the British Association for Counselling
and Psychotherapy (BACP),
adding the 'Psychotherapy' bit in order to reflect this.
Similarly, the UK
Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) numbers among its ranks a
good many members who
regard themselves as counsellors. to complicate matters
further, there are also therapists who describe themselves as
Counselling Psychologists. These individuals are regulated by
the Health and Care Professions Council (HCPC) and they are
usually members of the British Psychological Society. There are two reasons, I feel, why we have a therapy profession that has different ways of describing itself. The first concerns the way in which 'therapy' as a whole brings together a number of different schools of thought and ways of working. Some of these have traditionally regarded their practitioners as counsellors and others have regarded them as psychotherapists or psychologists. So, the way your therapist is described may be a reflection of the way they were trained. Therapists practicing person centred therapy, for example, are usually referred to as 'counsellors', as was the founding father of this form of therapy, Carl Rogers. Similarly, those trained in Freudian analysis, or in cognitive behavioural or cognitive ways of working might refer to themselves as 'psychotherapists', again reflecting the historical traditions in their schools of therapy. However, there is no 'hard and fast' rule here. You may well encounter person centred psychotherapists and cognitive behavioural counsellors! The second, and in some ways, more
important part
of the debate concerns the amount of training the practitioner
has had. There
has been an enormous and in some ways unwelcome increase in
the numbers of
people training to be counsellors. At the moment, literally
anyone can call his or
herself a 'counsellor', irrespective of the nature or the
amount of training
they have had. Whilst a member of the BACP would be in breach
of ethics if they
misrepresented themself or practiced without adequate
training, the fact remains
that their is no actual law to prevent this from happening. In
contrast, the title "Counselling Psychologist" is a protected
title and law. Similarly, a "Registered Psychotherapist,"
registered with the United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy–
UKCP (like myself) must have undertaken a minimum four year
training in which they have undertaken 450 hours of supervised
clinical practice and undertaken 160 hours of their own
personal therapy. Psychoanalysts undertake similarly
rigourous and lengthy training. In years gone by, Institutions and Universities that who offered these types of lengthy and intensive training regimes,and those who undertook them, sought to distance themselves from the plethora of counselling courses that were springing up, some of which spanned only a year of part time study, for example. They did this by designating the course as a psychotherapy course and by applying the title 'psychotherapist,' 'psychoanalyst' or 'counselling psychologist' to candidates who successfully completed the training. Many training institutions worked with the UKCP. Now, potential new members had to have undertaken four years of (usually full-time) training on a validated course in a recognised training institution. There were also stringent requirements for the candidate to have undertaken personal therapy as a client. So, if for example,you choose a UKCP registered psychotherapist or someone graduating as one of these other designations mentioned above, you can be fairly sure of the level of training he or she has had. (Note that for a number of reasons too complex to address here, this is not necessarily the case with UKCP registered hypnotherapists, where different issues apply.) To be fair, these days, very many counselling
training
courses undertaken by students in universities have equally
rigourous standards, requiring levels of academic
achievement and personal development similar to psychotherapy
courses. The British Association for Counselling and
Psychotherapy (BACP) has also worked hard to improve standards
within the profession, for example, introducing 'Accredited
Member' status, which is only available to graduates who have
achieved a certain amount of post-qualification experience and
who have graduated from Training which meets tightly defined
standards. You should not assume, as many people unfortunately do, that counselling is for 'lighter' issues or problems and 'psychotherapy' is for the 'heavy and serious stuff'. The length and nature of a therapist's training will obviously impact of the type of presentations they feel qualified to work with. Many therapists calling themselves counsellors have been trained to work with clients who may sadly be affected by deeply disturbing issues, such as childhood abuse or other major trauma. Such work often spans many months and years and is at a very deep level where a great deal of commitment, skill and care is required on the part of the practitioner. On the other hand, there are some types of presentation where a counsellor would not be appropriately qualified and experienced. Examples include personality disorders or psychosis. In both these cases, it is appropriate for the client to work with a therapist who has had specialist training and experience - perhaps having done a psychiatric nursing training or worked in in-patient facilities for example. They would also quite likely work with other mental health professionals as part of a team of people supporting the client. So, a long answer and in some ways an unsatisfactory one. It is wise to ask your therapist about the nature and length of his/her training if you are unsure. Look out for recognised training bodies like 'Manchester University', 'Warwick University' or 'City, University of London' (for example) and if in any doubt, contact the BACP or UKCP for clarification. Throughout this web site I use the terms 'therapist', 'counsellor' and 'psychotherapist' interchangeably and the specific use of a term in connection with a situation or issue should not be taken as an indication that I am recommending or advising a particular job title or way of working, unless the text specifically indicates that this is so. You might also be interested in 'Different Types of Therapy' My Philosophy of Counselling Top
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